Chase the Pain: A Dark Mafia Billionaire Romance (Amatucci Family Book 1) Read online

  “If you need me, call me,” he said.

  I nodded again, turned back to the recipe for the peanut butter layer cake. I got it all set up and in the mixer just as the first layer was ready to come out of the oven. I pulled the half-sheet cake from the oven and moved it to a different worktop so it could cool.

  I worked this way for a couple hours. Making sure each layer was sufficiently cooled so I could start with the icing. The fondant layer would be the last and would be a single big drape that I would be able to form into the book covers.

  Once the layers were all finished and cooling, I got to work building the base for the cake. A piece of plywood that would be covered in frosting with a two-inch PVC pipe attached to the middle. The pipe would go through each layer of cake, giving it extra stability.

  I pulled out my pneumatic nailer, hit the button on the compressor. While I was waiting for it to get to pressure, I dressed the plywood.

  “I never knew so much went into making cakes,” Ryker called loudly.

  Smiling, I nodded. Most people didn’t. At least not the parts that went into elaborate cakes that required framework and bases. Anyone could pick up a mix from the supermarket and call herself a baker.

  “Do you need any help?” he asked.

  I looked over at him. His eyes were sparkling as he looked at the power tools I’d laid out. Men. I chuckled to myself.

  Waving him over, I had him steady the base as I attached the pipe and fitting. We got it turned right side up. I showed him how to spread the buttercream frosting over the coated base to help the cake stick to it.

  As he was getting that done, I prepped the first layer. Cutting out the hole in the middle, I slid two trays under either side to keep it from breaking apart as I lifted it over the pipe. Once I got that one situated to my liking, he did the rest while I added the different frostings to each layer.

  What would have taken me close to two hours of just straight assembly time, took less than thirty minutes with his help. He got to eat all of the discarded cake holes as payment. I even let him scoop up the remaining frosting.

  His groans of satisfaction brought a smile to my face as I worked on adding the fondant layer and decorating it to look like the book spines on one side. The book pages would just be painted lines, so that saved me some time as well.

  **

  My back was aching and my legs were starting to go numb by the time I was satisfied with the cake. I never let anything less than my best go out to a client. My body was paying for that dedication to perfection right now.

  Ryker helped me load the cake onto a cart and get it stored in the walk-in fridge for the night. I was limping by the time we walked back out. I bit my lip to keep the sounds of pain from escaping. I needed to call Tali. Ask her to come get me.

  “Anything else you have to do tonight?” he asked as he walked back out to the main worktop.

  “No.” Thank the goddess. I cleaned as I went so I didn’t have to worry about the huge task at the end of a long day. I needed to put some tools away, but that could wait for tomorrow when I came to get Natalie’s cake and start on the Stanten’s.

  “Good.” He spun on his heel and darted for me. Shoving his shoulder into my abdomen, I was ass-up over his shoulder before I could figure out what was happening.

  “Put me down, Ryker.” I slapped his butt.

  He slapped mine back. “No. You can barely walk. Your house or mine?”

  “You don’t get to decide that. I’m in charge of my body, Ryker. Just me.” I slapped him again.

  My brain shifted to the side as he flipped me upright. My butt landed on the steel worktop. I tried not to whimper in relief as my legs got a chance to relax.

  “I’m taking you home. It’s your choice which one that is. That’s your decision.” He pushed his nose to mine. “Yours or mine?” He held my gaze, challenge practically wafted off of him.

  I gritted my teeth. “You’re so bossy.”

  He chuckled. “You’ve yet to see bossy, cupcake. Your decision?”

  I was going to be answering questions either way, so I made it easier on myself for tonight at least. “If I say yours, will you promise not to put the moves on me?”

  He blinked a couple times without saying anything. “Yes.” A smiled tugged at his mouth.

  I glared at him. “What? Why are you smiling?”

  He shook his head. “I promise not to put the moves on you. Are you satisfied?”

  I studied him. For some reason, I didn’t think we were talking about the same thing, but I couldn’t put my finger on why that was. Unable to come up with a good reason, I nodded. “Yeah.”

  He spun me around, dipped me back. Within moments, I was up in his arms. One arm under my shoulders, the other supported my knees. He stopped by the cabinet in the corner where I kept my purse and home stuff.

  “Slap the lights,” he said as he passed through the doorway out into the show space.

  The room plunged into darkness. Beyond the frosted glass door, only streetlights provided illumination.

  “What time is it?” I asked as I unlocked the door from my perch in his arms.

  “A little after ten.” He stepped out into the night, turned for me to lock up again.

  I grimaced. “Sorry. You should have left a long time ago.” I felt like a selfish ass.

  He pinched my thigh softly. “Wasn’t going to happen. Besides, I got to watch you work.” He said like he’d enjoyed it as much as watching a live sporting event.

  I chuckled. “Yeah, watching me bake is so thrilling.”

  He jiggled me up a bit higher in his arms. “My keys are in my left pocket. Can you reach them?”

  I slid my hand down his body. Fought to push the awareness of his body away. I bit my lip as I plunged my fingers into his pocket.

  He grunted, his eyes fell closed. “I like watching you bake. You move around your space so gracefully. Like watching a professional dancer—who happens to have hot pans in her hands.”

  I breathed a laugh as I had to lean down a little farther. I could feel the edge of the key ring with the tip of my middle finger, but I was still too high to hook it. I pressed my face into his chest, right over his heart.

  A quick thud, thud, thud beat against my cheek.

  “Sweet fuck, woman,” he said softly. Sweet pain laced his voice.

  I sucked in a breath. Keys. Keys. Keys. Keys. Find the damn keys. With a slight hunch, I hooked the key ring with my middle finger. “Got them.” I straightened, a smile on my face. I looked up at him, intended to hold the ring up for him to see.

  Hunger lent his face an almost sinister cast in the low light from the street lamps.

  I didn’t move. Almost afraid to draw attention to myself. I barely breathed as I waited for him to decide on a course of action.

  My chest felt like I had an elephant making itself comfortable on it. My heart tripped into high gear as the breath backed up in my lungs. I was caught.

  After a moment, he closed his eyes. A shivery breath slid from between his lips and fanned over my cheeks. He swallowed a couple times before he said, “Let’s get you home. I can rub your legs again. If I don’t, you might not be walking tomorrow.”

  He took the handful of steps to his car without looking down at me. His chin was up the slightest degree. His fingers flexed and relaxed against my body.

  I hit the unlock button on his key fob as he turned. The lights flashed and I was settled in the leather depths of his front passenger seat. I sighed at the feeling of being off my feet, at having my back supported in all the right ways.

  He slammed the door. His face was tight as he rounded the front of the car. Emotion radiated from his stiff body. He yanked open his door and slid behind the wheel. His fingers wrapped the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles went white.

  “Ryker?” I called softly. Maybe I should go home? My home. He didn’t seem in a good frame of mind right now.

  “Not yet, Willow,” he said, his voice a harsh wh
isper.

  I sealed my lips, waited in the vibrating silence with him. After all he’d done for me—from rescuing me at the hospital to helping me today in the shop—the least I could give him was space. Something deep inside me wanted to make it better. But I had no idea what that might be.

  So I did nothing.

  Chapter 32 – Ryker

  I fought to clear my head. To clear her perfume from my nose. To forget the feel of her body in my hands. I was on the edge and I wasn’t willing to screw it up again.

  “Ryker?”

  I bit the inside of my cheek as her soft voice trailed fingers of velvet over my skin. “Not yet, Willow.” I struggled to keep my voice even. Quiet.

  After a moment, I felt the tension ease from my body. Felt like I had full control over my emotions. I relaxed my hands, flexed my fingers. Pushing the button to start the engine, I checked my surroundings and pulled into the street. This late in Oldtown, there was no traffic.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice still soft.

  I exhaled. “Yeah. All good now.”

  As if I could see it, she came out of her shell. Blossomed right next to me. I could feel the questions sitting on her tongue. Bet myself how long it would take for her to ask it.

  I would have lost. She lasted about a minute. I’d given her no more than thirty seconds.

  “Want to talk about what just happened?”

  I looked over at her, smiled. “That depends.”

  She smiled, rolled her eyes. “On what?”

  “Are you going to tell me why you wrote what you did in your note?” I could have bitten my tongue off. That hadn’t been the question I wanted answered. At least not yet.

  She blinked at me, her shadow shifting in the periodic light of the passing street lamps. “What about it?” She licked her lips, looked away.

  Chuckling softly, I smirked. “You wrote that meeting me was one of the best days of your life.”

  Her laugh had a slight hysterical edge to it. “I wouldn’t read into that too much. I almost died that day, if you’ll remember.”

  “Don’t.” I stopped at a stoplight. Wrapped my hand around her knee. Squeezed. “Don’t do that. Not now. Not after today.”

  She looked up at me, her mossy green eyes wide. Almost terrified. She licked her lips. “Meeting you has been one of the best days of my life.” She swallowed hard, the sound loud in the quiet interior of my car.

  I felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest at her admission. I squeezed her knee a little tighter. “You know there’s no getting away from me now, right? You’re mine. All of you.” I held her gaze. Let her see the truth of my words.

  She shook her head. A sad smile pulled on her lips. “You don’t mean that. Not really.”

  “You don’t get to tell me what I feel, Willow.”

  She huffed a laugh. “A few days ago, you wanted sex. Now you want all of me? Do you even know what that means? Or do you just want all of me for sex, Ryker?” Her gaze singed me.

  I nodded. “You’re right. I wanted to fuck you out of my system.” I felt her pull away, try to dissolve into herself. “No.” I gripped her knee until I felt my fingers rub against her bones. “I’m being honest. The least you can do is listen.”

  She crossed her arms and sat back, a superior look on her face. She gave me a wave. “Go on, then.”

  I relaxed my grip on her knee. “I wanted to fuck you out of my system,” I repeated. “But that was before you brought me cupcakes. And called to check up on me after I stormed out. After forcing me to see you as more than just a convenient fuck buddy...you don’t get to change my worldview and then leave me hanging. I won’t let you.”

  Her laugh was mean and grated on my nerves. “I make you behave like a human being and now you want to punish me for it? Where’s the logic in that, Ryker?”

  “Who said anything about punishing you? For fucks sake, cupcake, I want more than just sex.” With my free hand, I tunneled my fingers through my hair. “I want to know why you have nightmares. I want to know how you got hooked up with Amatuccis. I want to know why you lean on them and not your parents.”

  She looked up at me, a challenge lit her face. “Then I want to know why you keep your Grams a secret. Why you were at the hospital the night you found me and why you looked ready to murder someone. I want to know why you think women are just fuck toys for your enjoyment and why you think you’d be any different with me.”

  I jerked back. Clenching my teeth, I turned back to stare out the windshield. I didn’t share my life. Not with anyone. It was too fucked up. Too dark. I wouldn’t stain her soul.

  She sighed. “Never mind. Take me home.” She paused. “Mine.” She shook her head and shoved my hand off her knee.

  “You need me, Willow.” The words were hoarse and harsh. “I can give you the sweetest pain you’ll ever experience.” I’d give her enough pain that she would be happy with just that. She wouldn’t need to know anything more about me.

  She turned to stare out her window. “You could have. But now we’ll never know.”

  “Look at me.”

  Taking a deep breath, she turned. “What?”

  “You’re shutting me out? Willing to walk away?” NO. Fuck no. That wasn’t allowed. I was the one who walked away. I was the one who got to leave before things got too deep.

  “I’m not a walking vagina, Ryker. Sex isn’t important to me. But I’d have tried it again. For you. For all of you. Not just the parts and pieces you were willing to share. You don’t get all of me for only part of you. Even I know that’s bad business.” She shook her head, a sad look on her face. “Take me home, please.” She turned back to her window.

  A red haze descended over my brain. I’d saved her life again and this was how she repaid me? I’d been willing to offer more than just sex. Or pain. I’d wanted to learn about her, be involved in her life. And now, because I wouldn’t share the sick shit of my life with her, she was going to stonewall me?

  I pulled my guts back in. The sharp tinge of rejection a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a while. Now I remembered why I kept sexual interactions transactional. I didn’t need this. Didn’t need her.

  I gunned the engine and pulled a U turn, heading back to her little shop. I screeched to a halt at the curb. Leaning in front of her, I opened the passenger door. “You can get yourself home.”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me right now.” She crossed her arms, didn’t move.

  “Get your ass out of my car. You don’t want to put out? Fine. We’re done. Go kill yourself for all I care. I won’t be there the next time. I’ll be sure to tell the Amatuccis they weren’t enough to make you stick around. That you loved your sorrow more than you loved them.”

  Her hand flew up and slapped my cheek. Rage brightened her eyes. “Fuck you.” She unhooked her seatbelt and stumbled from the car.

  I didn’t wait to see if she made it to her car alright. I hit the gas, the momentum slamming the passenger side door closed. I was done. I’d tried to play by her rules. Open myself up to wanting more than a new bed partner. She’d stomped on the offer. Set it on fire.

  It would be the last time I interfered with anyone else. It wasn’t worth the hassle. The heartbreak. No one could be trusted.

  Chapter 33 – Willow

  I watched his car’s lights disappear around the corner. I still couldn’t believe that had just happened. One of the best days of my recent life—minus that whole suicide part—had crashed and burned like an A-bomb had gone off.

  I limped to my car, fished around in my purse for the keys. Asshole. He could have at least taken me home.

  A soft scratch on the pavement to my left brought my head up. A rush of sound. A quick pinch at my neck and the world floated away.

  Chapter 34 – Ryker

  Seething as I drove the rest of the way home, I talked myself out of going back for her a dozen times. She obviously didn’t need me. Or my help. She would be fine on her own.

&nb
sp; I zipped into the underground garage, slid into my parking spot. I sat there for long moments after I cut the engine. What the fuck had gone wrong? I still couldn’t wrap my brain around it.

  Our conversation tripped through my head on repeat. She’d been coming over. Letting me take care of her instead of her chosen family. Me. She’d come to me and continued to turn to me.

  But I guess what I offered wasn’t good enough. Not in the long run.

  Tough shit. That’s on her. You would have treated her like the little pain princess she was. Her loss. Get your fucking sorry ass out of this car, my inner voice goaded.

  Yeah. I needed something. Some kind of way to numb everything back to the way it had been before. Before she tripped into my arms.

  Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

  Nodding, I got out of the car and walked to my private elevator. Pulling my phone from my pocket, thumbed it to silent. Tonight was not a night for callers.

  I stabbed the upper of the two lone buttons on the panel. Even thinking of my dungeon right now made me want to break things. I leaned against the wall as the car zipped to the top floor.

  As soon as the doors opened, I stormed out and straight for the liquor cabinet. Pulling a bottle from the back, I ripped it open and took that first fiery sip.

  This was going to be a long fucking night.

  Chapter 35 – Willow

  Someone slapped my face. Not gentle taps either. I struggled to pry my eyelids open.

  Dread soaked my brain as the unforgettable feeling of sedatives dragged my body’s responses to a soul-shaking crawl. I knew this feeling. Hated this feeling.

  Adrenaline surged through me for a brief moment, making my neurons fire like they were supposed to. My eyelids flew open as I tried to take in as much information as quickly as possible. I had to get out of here.

  “You won’t be able to escape this time, Willow,” he said.

  Ethan Embry Errington.

  My ex-husband.